One phrase I’ve really come to hate is “it gets better.” Does it? Does it really? It may get a little different, things may change for the better but lets be honest, life likes to throw a lot of rubbish at ya. Maybe we get better at dealing with things, maybe we get better at ignoring things – but I don’t feel any better, I just feel a lot more tired. Yeah things have gotten better, things have also spiralled so far down that I can’t even see the waterline anymore.

I don’t know why I dislike the saying so much. I’m certainly guilty of saying it to others, but I just cannot believe things will ever get better when it comes to me. Things change, maaaaan things change… but it’s been however many years and let me tell ya each battle is even more brutal, even less brutal, even more difficult and a little less difficult each time. I’ve learnt to deal with certain things, but other things come into play that leave me feeling worse than before – but of course a little confused each time, because I’m already aware of things that I’ve dealt with.

It’s my understanding that things don’t get better, I just get better at dealing with things – or at least better at noticing when things are bad. There doesn’t ever seem to be a way out – I have no idea what I’m trying to break free from though as ‘disaster’ (for lack of a better word) seems pretty ingrained in me. Bad things love me; I am the worlds most fabulous sh*t magnet. I don’t want this to be the end of the line, I just want things to stop being so damn annoying difficult, terrifying, soul-destroying, dramatic, ridiculous, tiring and all that jazz.

The tricky thing is when people tell me “it gets better” I know they’re saying it with love (I hope). They are trying to support me, to help me see a brighter perspective, but the thing is… I am so tired of all the darkness (that sounds mega dramatic – I have no other way to phrase that). I want things to get better, I’ve just accepted that they won’t. At the same time I know that I’m not the only one going through whatever it is I’m going through…

I had a random thought today which is the stuff dreams are made of when it comes to quotes and cheesy images that accentuate the saying (we all know I love that kinda cheese). Here’s the world’s ultimate cheesy quote, yet it sums up perfectly how I feel about everything – and by everything I mean the rubbish, stupid mess that I’ve made of myself.

Hell is real, I’m living in it. 

I’m just gunna leave things here – for added effect. (I’m joking but seriously I’m really struggling right now, so I’ll stop writing otherwise I’ll be sat here writing forever…)

(Ironically even though I hate the saying”it gets better” I absolutely love a good cheesy image that says pretty much the same thing… maybe people should just start communicating to me through images or doodles, life would be ace…)

Here’s some really really ace images that have cheered me up:

Doc Martin’s on so I’ve gotta go, I need some Cornwall in me life…

Adios amigos x