I’m like 99.9% stressed, but it’s the good kind of stressed… the stressed where you actually get things done kind of stressed. (As opposed to the… I hate the world, the world hates me, everything sucks kind of stressed, that I’m a little too familiar with.)
I of course see the hilarious irony in saying that I’m stressed when I struggle with PTSD, (post-traumatic stress disorder for those not in the know…) But there is no other way to explain how I’m feeling right now! Like I feel absolutely ace in terms of my health – I’ve had my medication changed, so that’s most likely why, but I have SO much work to do it’s almost unbearable. And, of course the solution to that was to procrastinate and write a blog post…
In a weird, kinda stupid way I feel happy to be stressed. I’m happy to have things to do, things that I love doing, but I do hate deadlines. (I think most of us do). The problem here is not the work, but the time I’ve lost not doing the work. And I know it’s not laziness. I can say that 100% without my fingers crossed. In the past I have been the queen of procrastination but since I really began struggling with PTSD there wasn’t any time for procrastination. I always seemed to be trying to make up for lost time when it comes to work as I’d lose a good few days to the darkness of my mind. (Deep). But I managed to get on top of that, I figured out what works and what doesn’t. And I started taking less on.
However, I’m not superhuman. And no number of coffee cups can make me superhuman. (Though I’m still trying that one out…) Currently I’m fueled by coffee and the need to finish this huge workload so that I can crack on with the next one. I mean nobody said studying was easy, but I am shattered. With a mixture of paid writing work that I have lined up, and an assignment I need to finish ‘to-do’ lists are swiftly becoming my best friend.
I don’t want to rush either of the tasks as I really do enjoy them both, it’s just a matter of staying strong, with integrity at my side and coffee in my hands. Oh, and making sure I get enough sleep. I’ve heard that’s pretty important.
What my life currently looks like…
(I’ll get to enjoy the sunshine soon…)
Also, ten points to McFly, as I’ve recently rediscovered your Radio:Active album and it’s getting me through this!