I feel like I’m failing. I know there are times in our life when we feel like all we do is fail, yet lately I feel like I cannot shake this feeling of failure. I’ve recently won a very prestigious award, one that offers me opportunities beyond belief, whilst also securing a fantastic opportunity debating something at a national level.
People expect me to be happy, I am proud – yet shame and worthlessness sweep over me, I feel like failure has wrapped me up and is taking over my mind. My mind is cloudy, and this feeling seems to be staying. I am incredibly proud of myself though, I just wish that I could stay aware of this feeling 24/7.
The purpose of this message is to show others that despite my success my PTSD has a hold over me, I am proud, yet I am still struggling, quick fixes (such as a success) doesn’t cure mental illness. Though I feel that my friends may seem to be oblivious to this, no matter how supportive and wonderful they are.
I’m hoping that if I write about my PTSD here then maybe I can start to unwrap what feels like a blanket of shame, pain and worthlessness that is taking me over during my proudest, and everyday moments.