This past week has felt very chaotic. I feel as though I’ve experienced all possible emotion within the past five days, yet -thankfully – it’s all looped back round and finished on a good note. I was incredibly overwhelmed by those around me after I had a tricky time of things at the start of the week.
Earlier this week I had one of them moments that throw you into a whirlwind of questioning everything. I felt really taken aback by the way somebody spoke to me in regard to my mental health, I actually felt really hurt, and wasn’t sure how to respond. My friends and family listened to me, patiently as I repeated the same things over and over. I feel as though I would have melted under the pressure of trying to make sense of things if I didn’t have the support of those around me. My friends, my family and my colleagues helped me see things clearly, supporting me in trying to figure out what on earth was going on.
I’ve been doing a lot better these past few months, it’s been hard work – even trying to keep up with my psychology appointments has taken a lot of effort, but overall I’ve really noticed a positive change. After Monday my optimistic attitude had dissolved so fast that it felt as though I’d been dragged back into a harsh reality – one that quickly felt as though I’d be stuck feeling like crap forever. I’m not trying to be dramatic, it just really felt awful – it was a huge kick in the teeth and I was upset at myself for letting things shift so quickly.
I’ve come so far in the last few months, finally coming off medication and finally being able to view things as manageable. (Medication doesn’t make you weak, it’s just it made me feel like I wasn’t myself). All it took was one rubbish hour to quickly redirect all my hard work; but then all it took was the wonderful support of those around me to remind me that it doesn’t have to be that way, and that this was only temporary (hopefully).
The week continued to shift between positive and negative, but one thing that I’ve realised is that I shouldn’t have to sacrifice my own mental health because others have a lack of empathy or understanding. I shouldn’t have to be trying 24/7 to change the attitudes of others toward mental health at the expense of my own mental wellbeing and dignity.
I felt humiliated in a situation that really shouldn’t have happened, and it topped off a pretty rubbish day. But instead of dwelling over how I could have changed that situation I decided just to get on with things, accept the support from those around me and work to continue improving myself.
I was reminded this week of how different people have different perceptions and understandings of mental illness. I’m so lucky to have a number of people who care, support and guide me; but all it took was one individual to make me question everything. It’s frustrating and annoying, but I’m so thankful for the patience and support of others. It’s difficult not to get swept away by negative stuff, but all it takes is a few wonderful people to support you, and help lighten the load.