There’s a number of things going through my head right in this moment, and to be honest none of it is mental health related. (Though I don’t think I actively ‘think’ about my mental health… or do I? Like the whole mental health stuff is a constant, so it’s not like I force myself to think about it, and of course I’m thinking about it now because I’m definitely trying to justify writing about whatever it is that I’m writing about!)
So, yeah. The stuff that’s going through my head: one – I have incredibly bad flu, which means I’ve been feeling incredibly sorry for myself over the past few days – it’s a well known fact (in my mind) that I can deal with a lot, but my world comes to a standstill when I get a cold. And, my feelings toward Lemsip (or the cheap chemist version I bought) aren’t exactly too great… in fact, I went into work yesterday for a meeting, successfully managed to not pay attention while making my Lemsip and added cold water (not tasty, not tasty at all). I then had to sit through a meeting, where I managed to fill every momentary silence with the sweet symphony of my sniffing, blowing my nose or coughing. (How wonderful). I didn’t last too long at work though, because I was actually quite ill. Which, is very frustrating for me; growing up I never used to like missing a day of school, and my feelings toward head colds and flu are 100% not good.
I’ve only ever lost my voice once, which when I was in year ten or eleven (aged 14 or 15) – I couldn’t speak, at all. In fact my friends found it hilarious, and kept trying to get me to say ‘rise’ – I still to this day have no idea what film that was from, and my one friend (hey Kane) found it absolutely wonderful, because apparently I was doing a real great impression of something that I haven’t a clue about. When I finally had to admit defeat and take a day off school I can remember my mum camping me out on the sofa with the worlds largest collection of blankets, sleeping bags, pillows and what not (I have no idea why I wasn’t in my own room…) we was having our front lawn transformed into a drive, which meant there was a lot going on, and there was a lot of random people about, but to be fair, I clearly had no idea what was going on, because I was doing my best zombie impression. Anyway, that’s the worst time I think I’ve ever had in terms of flu (though before Christmas I apparently had tonsillitis…)
When I was in the Air Cadets (ATC) getting a head cold was the worst because it meant that flying wasn’t really an option (though I definitely ignored this rule and still went flying – like I was gunna miss out on flying a plane because I had a cold!) Though, the pressure from flying, doing aerobatics and all that did actually really hurt my head – it’s probably the same when you’re just a passenger in a plane, but ironically I’ve never really been on a plane (other than to Scotland and Spain) so I’ve actually spent more time flying planes than being a passenger. (Which is weirdly cool!) Also, on a side-note, the news that the Duchess of Cambridge (Catherine Middleton) is now Honorary Air Commandant of the Air Training Corps (RAF Air Cadets) is really really ace. (I’ve just spent the last hour reflecting over how much I loved being in the Air Training Corps, here’s an old post I wrote on another blog a while back about my experience: Reflection: Air Cadets.)
I guess this post is more of an update really – I’m struggling to not ramble on about some pretty random stuff, but that’s just it; my mind has been a little scattered lately. I struggled a lot last week, but fortunately my mood turned for the better on Saturday, I had an ace evening with my housemates, and I’ve been dealing with this flu/cold/lurgy since Sunday (which I can promise you isn’t a three day hangover).
Despite having the flu I’ve been pretty much okay. I have a psychology appointment tomorrow (usually they’re on Tuesdays, but thank goodness we changed it this week, because getting out of bed this morning certainly wasn’t an option). I’m also giving a speech-thing at work tomorrow to our final year students (which is partly why I stayed at home today in an attempt to rest up and get my voice back, the other reason is because I couldn’t figure out how to move my body this morning).
Since having my first ‘proper’ experience of EMDR (Eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing) last week I’ve noticed a few things that’re a little out of character for me. Such as really weird dreams, an inability to stop certain thoughts, sensations (flashbacks?) and more. I’m meant to be keeping a record of what I’ve noticed for my psychologist, but – as per usual – whenever I’m asked to record stuff to do with my mental health I seem to forget how to write (aka: I just don’t do it), my inner-rebel wins basically. But, I’m gunna sit and make note of things now, as I really want to figure out if these things are happening because of the therapy or whether they’re just happening (apologies if that doesn’t make sense). Anyway, I’m gunna go have a Lemsip-fuelled, lurgy-fuelled nap and prepare myself for tomorrow.
If you made it this far through this post then ten points to you, go treat yourself to a cup of hot lemon and honey. (Or hot blackcurrant, I’m a fan of hot blackcurrant!)
For more info on EMDR check out the EMDR Association UK and Ireland website: http://www.emdrassociation.org.uk/home/index.htm