Things have sucked lately – no more than ever (that’s a lie), but the thing is – the annoying thing is – I know that I can deal with PTSD, and anxiety and all that jazz, but it is exhausting. I have felt more stress (general life stress) this past week than I think I ever have, and I think one of the main reasons is that I’ve had ridiculous amounts of work, but at the same time I’m trying to tackle some pretty tough stuff with regards to trying to come to terms with certain things.
I always joke that there are tell tale clues that warn me I’m really starting to feel things too much (or avoidance…):
- Checking Taps – whenever I’m really stressed, or just annoyed and emotional I develop a deep panic, or need to check that the taps aren’t left running. And I mean I will stand there for a good few minutes twisting and twisting, or just making sure the tap is off, then I’ll walk away, and quickly turn to check it again.
- Checking Doors – This one is mainly when I’m back home in Essex, but I have done it several times in the different houses I’ve lived in during uni – I check that doors are shut, mainly at night time – I will stand there and push the door about ten times to check it’s shut… do the rounds of the house and check that everything is else and shut, and then start the whole bloody process again – when I’m really stressed or nervous I find myself getting out of bed to double/triple check that the doors are shut.
- Leg shaking – my poor feet and legs can’t stay still – makes me thing I’m the world’s greatest athlete.
- Make Spotify playlists – this is definitely a coping strategy of mine, and it’s also normally a sign that I’m trying to distract myself from unwanted feelings/anxiety etc.
- Listen to every noise ever – I seem to pay more attention to little noises etc. when I’m stressed or anxious, though I reckon this is fairly normal.
- Incorporate Harry Potter into every conversation, or activity – I love Harry Potter, I grew up watching it/reading it and wanting to be Hermione, and when I’m really stressed, tired, ill or anxious I will either spend hours scrolling through Harry Potter (Hazza P) images on Pinterest, or just generally talking about Harry Potter… ten points to my friends for sticking with me haha.
I’m sure there’s loads of other stuff that I do when I’m really feeling things, but these are the one’s that I’ve pretty much done forever… And ones that can be really time consuming, and distracting (Spotify/Pinterest). But now I know when I’m doing things like this that I probably need to sit down with my thoughts and figure out whats going on…
My Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/EllaRobson/