‘Hibernation mode’ isn’t a certified thing… but it sure is in my life. Especially this past week, I’ve been in hibernation mode pretty much 90% of the time, and the other 10% of the time I just feel pretty rubbish, so hibernation mode is the answer…
Except, I’m real fed up with it. In a way I reckon it’s my body trying to tell me to slow down, but I don’t have anything to slow down from because I’ve been rocking the ‘sloth lifestyle’ for a while. And bam – right there I just added to the stigma of mental health, the term ‘sloth lifestyle’ – I use it lightheartedly because if I was to explain to a stranger how I’ve spent most of this week asleep, struggling to get out of bed and eating like an ‘animal’ then I’d automatically make fun of myself, rather than actually letting them know how much it’s bothering me.
Of course I don’t want to spend every day in bed, I want to be out doing things, I have things I need to do anyway, yet I simply cannot force myself to do things. I have no energy, I’m pretty lethargic and frankly everything in the world seems to be a ridiculous, massive, wild feat at the moment (including cooking dinner apparently). And actually, it takes a lot of effort to spend all day in bed (and I’m not being sarcastic here.) Especially when you spend like 99.9% of the time thinking about everything on your ‘to-do’ list, panicking about never actually being able to get out of bed, never being able to enjoy life again, alongside feeling like a complete failure because you have succumbed to another day of that awful, dreaded ‘darkness.’
Yet, when I try to explain to people that I’ve spent a lot of time asleep this week – a lot of time struggling to make sense of simple tasks, and a lot of time trying to just ‘be’ – I (without any slight hint of hesitation) declare ‘oh I’m just being lazy, or I just can’t be bothered, or I’m just tired.’ I mean, yeah I obviously am tired, but it’s a lot more than that, and I shouldn’t feel guilty about needing to ‘hibernate,’ especially when – and this is the frustrating thing – I don’t want to be in ‘hibernation mode.’
I want out. I wanna be out and about, happy – running through fields and picking flowers and all that. I wanna be stuck inside working on assignments, deadlines and stuff. I wanna simply have a coffee (a decaff caramel latte to be precise) with my friends and colleagues. I wanna be able to watch crappy TV and not hate the world. I wanna be able to do things and not hate myself.
I wanna kick hibernation mode in the face – if ya have any tips or ‘survival guides’ then please, please send ’em my way! 🙂