July 16, 2015Dearest Someone

Hibernation Mode – I want out.

‘Hibernation mode’ isn’t a certified thing… but it sure is in my life. Especially this past week, I’ve been in hibernation mode pretty much 90% of the time, and the other 10% of the time I just feel pretty rubbish, so hibernation mode is the answer…

Except, I’m real fed up with it. In a way I reckon it’s my body trying to tell me to slow down, but I don’t have anything to slow down from because I’ve been rocking the ‘sloth lifestyle’ for a while. And bam – right there I just added to the stigma of mental health, the term ‘sloth lifestyle’ – I use it lightheartedly because if I was to explain to a stranger how I’ve spent most of this week asleep, struggling to get out of bed and eating like an ‘animal’ then I’d automatically make fun of myself, rather than actually letting them know how much it’s bothering me.

Of course I don’t want to spend every day in bed, I want to be out doing things, I have things I need to do anyway, yet I simply cannot force myself to do things. I have no energy, I’m pretty lethargic and frankly everything in the world seems to be a ridiculous, massive, wild feat at the moment (including cooking dinner apparently). And actually, it takes a lot of effort to spend all day in bed (and I’m not being sarcastic here.) Especially when you spend like 99.9% of the time thinking about everything on your ‘to-do’ list, panicking about never actually being able to get out of bed, never being able to enjoy life again, alongside feeling like a complete failure because you have succumbed to another day of that awful, dreaded ‘darkness.’ 

Yet, when I try to explain to people that I’ve spent a lot of time asleep this week – a lot of time struggling to make sense of simple tasks, and a lot of time trying to just ‘be’ – I (without any slight hint of hesitation) declare ‘oh I’m just being lazy, or I just can’t be bothered, or I’m just tired.’ I mean, yeah I obviously am tired, but it’s a lot more than that, and I shouldn’t feel guilty about needing to ‘hibernate,’ especially when – and this is the frustrating thing – I don’t want to be in ‘hibernation mode.’

I want out. I wanna be out and about, happy – running through fields and picking flowers and all that. I wanna be stuck inside working on assignments, deadlines and stuff. I wanna simply have a coffee (a decaff caramel latte to be precise) with my friends and colleagues. I wanna be able to watch crappy TV and not hate the world. I wanna be able to do things and not hate myself.

I wanna kick hibernation mode in the face – if ya have any tips or ‘survival guides’ then please, please send ’em my way! 🙂 

Hibernation Mode

14 comments

  1. Hi, I know this feeling so well, you are not alone. As to how to get out of hibernation, well, we are all each very different. We all have our reasons keeping us there but if I could suggest just one thing it would be to get up to continue your journey. Right now you are sitting on the path feeling the clutches of the darkness behind you trying to draw you back. but you are looking the other way wanting to get up and keep walking, but all you see is this uphill struggle. So much easier just to sit where you are, though you know you are sliding backwards. You have to have faith, trust and belief in yourself. Stand up and dust yourself off. Look around for others on the journey and take their hand, they will help you just as you help them. We are not alone, we walk together. I offer you my love and my strength, I offer you my hand to walk with me and those I walk with. Smile, breath, control.
    David

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  5. Sometimes staying in bed for a while is self-care. It can be a problem if it turns into “hibernation mode” though. I frequently hibernate too. I’m trying really hard to fight it. Sometimes I win, lots of times, I lose. Hopefully, someday, I’ll win more than I lose. ❤

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    • It makes me feel some kind of relief to know that I’m not the only one dealing with this, though of course I wish that it could be conquered! Each morning I seem to be going through a real tricky routine of waking, and then needing to ‘hibernate’ – but somehow I beat it yesterday, and it seems blogging/talking to people like you seems to really help! 🙂

      Best wishes!

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  7. I know the feeling, not being able to get out of bed with the feelings of guilt and failure that come with it. I find what helps is to plan one small treat or thing to do that i know i enjoy such as a bubbly bath, read a magazine, colour in, or watch a tv show guaranteed to cheer me up such as friends. Even if this is the only thing you are able to do it’s one step on the ladder. Hope this helps Adele xx

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    • Hi Adele! Thanks for your comment! Colouring/sketching has apparently become one of my favourite things to do at the moment (I guess it’s because so many people have recommended it to me!) I had another ‘hibernation’ day today… and decided to do some doodling… and it worked wonders!

      Thank-you for getting in touch! 🙂 xx

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