This week hasn’t been one of my greatest weeks in terms of panic/PTSD… or in simpler terms… my mind has hated me this week. But, with the help of some people at uni and family etc. I’ve been reminded that it’s not my fault. And I really cannot prevent panic and things… I don’t know how to explain one of the ‘panic attacks’ I had this week – I don’t even know if it counts as a panic attack, but what I do know is that I was left feeling embarrassed and ashamed of myself for ‘being silly.’
Then… I was reminded that I wasn’t being silly… and it’s okay for me to feel things. It’s okay for anyone to feel things – and in this past week I’ve had to deal with a lot, and I’m mega stressed and my mind was telling me that I wasn’t okay, and that I needed to face up to things. (Even if in the moment I felt like I was never gunna be able to talk, or move ever again – yay to panic?) (Sarcasm).
I’m writing as I’m thinking right now, but what I’m trying to say is… it’s okay to feel things. To be honest, I think I’m using this blog post as a way to reassure myself haha. The crazy thing is today, despite being knackered and pretty stressed out from the intensity of this week I actually had a blast, and I didn’t have to go and ask for help (though asking for help isn’t a bad thing!)
Sometimes for me there are weeks where I can fly by, I struggle but I can deal with things, and then there are times where I can’t function normally – normally I’m triggered by things, and I like to try and figure out what these triggers are. Also, there are times where I just can’t escape things, and I’m learning how to ride these moments, and how to ‘ground’ myself – but this week it’s been trickier than usual – but I’m not beating myself up about it. Today was a fairly ‘normal’ day – I started a new medication (and increased another) and apart from being very drowsy I had a pretty ace day.
Considering how I have been these past four/five days, I’m counting today as a small victory…
Adios amigos, x