I spent a long time scrolling through the depths of Pinterest to find an image that summed up how I’m feeling right now!
This week hasn’t been one of my greatest weeks in terms of panic/PTSD… or in simpler terms… my mind has hated me this week. But, with the help of some people at uni and family etc. I’ve been reminded that it’s not my fault. And I really cannot prevent panic and things… I don’t know how to explain one of the ‘panic attacks’ I had this week – I don’t even know if it counts as a panic attack, but what I do know is that I was left feeling embarrassed and ashamed of myself for ‘being silly.’
Then… I was reminded that I wasn’t being silly… and it’s okay for me to feel things. It’s okay for anyone to feel things – and in this past week I’ve had to deal with a lot, and I’m mega stressed and my mind was telling me that I wasn’t okay, and that I needed to face up to things. (Even if in the moment I felt like I was never gunna be able to talk, or move ever again – yay to panic?) (Sarcasm).
I’m writing as I’m thinking right now, but what I’m trying to say is… it’s okay to feel things. To be honest, I think I’m using this blog post as a way to reassure myself haha. The crazy thing is today, despite being knackered and pretty stressed out from the intensity of this week I actually had a blast, and I didn’t have to go and ask for help (though asking for help isn’t a bad thing!)
Sometimes for me there are weeks where I can fly by, I struggle but I can deal with things, and then there are times where I can’t function normally – normally I’m triggered by things, and I like to try and figure out what these triggers are. Also, there are times where I just can’t escape things, and I’m learning how to ride these moments, and how to ‘ground’ myself – but this week it’s been trickier than usual – but I’m not beating myself up about it. Today was a fairly ‘normal’ day – I started a new medication (and increased another) and apart from being very drowsy I had a pretty ace day.
Considering how I have been these past four/five days, I’m counting today as a small victory…
Adios amigos, x