It’s impossible to switch your mind off (though I wish there was a way!) However, it is possible to try and take things easy… relaxing is something which – as silly as this sounds – I am rubbish at. I’m not a fan of being left with time to think, as, like many others, my mind likes to use this time to remind me of everything that’s gone wrong, everything that will go wrong, everything that could go wrong and everything that’s wrong with me. I then also really struggle with finding things to do – if I watch TV it’s likely that 99% of the things I watch will remind me of something (this isn’t the TV’s fault, it’s fault of my own, but still…)
If I try to take time to just chill I’m often worried that I’m wasting time, or (this is silly) I’m worried that I’m doing it wrong. How can you be ‘wrong’ when it comes to relaxing?!
This time of the year is often quite busy, with Halloween, Bonfire Night, birthdays and the dreaded Christmas is everywhere season. (I love Christmas but excitement scares me ha). As things have been busy for me anyway I didn’t really want to deal with festive occasions this year… too much anxiety!
This Halloween I really couldn’t face anything – be it ghosts, witches, pumpkins or simply people – I just wanted to spend a night in – doing nothing. I wasn’t in a ‘yeaaaaaaaah it’s Halloween’ mood, I was in a ‘yeaaaaaaaah there’s my bed I shall never leave it’ kind of mood. Which basically meant I was finding a lot of different reasons and thinking of a lot of different excuses to not go out, which is silly, because saying “I don’t feel like it” or “I need to spend some time chilling” aren’t really the game-changer, friendship-breaking phrases that I think they are.
Last night was Bonfire Night (for those of you not UK based, fireworks night/bonfire night/Guy Fawkes night is a pretty big thing). There were various events happening across the city that I’d been invited to and annoyingly this time last month I was really eager to go out and be all festive. I love bonfire night, it was one of my favourite occasions as a kid. My eldest brother’s birthday is also the day after (today) so that was always nice. Despite being really excited a lovely mixture of British weather, and a tough week in terms of my wellbeing wasn’t the best mix for watching fireworks. I left work a little earlier yesterday as I was really struggling to focus; my mind just needed a bit of a rest. I then fell asleep on the bus (at 4pm haha), I always seem to have really good naps on public transport so by the time I got home all I could think about was crawling into bed and hibernating for the evening.
Despite not having enough energy to do anything I actually ended up having a much-needed, restful evening. My housemates all went to the pub, which of course was the perfect chance for me to have a little sing (channelling my inner Beyoncé). I then spent the rest of the evening chilling, with candles and music while doing my best impression of a hibernating bear. (How cliché of me). Although I’m rubbish at looking after myself, rubbish at trying to ‘chill’ and all that jazz it goes to show that when your body and mind wants you to rest then rest you shall.