It’s tricky enough getting out of bed when you’re not feeling so great. At times the lovely company of depression likes to try it’s hardest to keep us in bed, activating hibernation mode and convincing us the world doesn’t want us to face it. Cold winter mornings just add to the fun!
After having a very unstructured, yet productive, week I was pretty relieved to see the weekend, however the temperature definitely made me a little grumpy! It also made it more ‘acceptable’ to stay in bed. Don’t get me wrong, it’s perfectly acceptable to spend the weekend in bed – rest is good, sleeping is good, warmth is good. But, my room really was a mess. I’d been putting off tidying my room (and my life) for a long time, but as they say tidy room, tidy mind. Or, aggravated mind, as you fight your duvet in an attempt to change your covers.
Cleaning really does help my mood; I think sometimes I leave my room messy because it means I’m less likely to invite people into my own personal space – including my housemates, who I love to pieces, but my room is my space to be myself. My room is my space to escape, and keeping it messy is a weirdly wonderful way to build barriers (hypothetically) that allow you to avoid the world, and most importantly: people.
Having space to escape is so important to my recovery, having the space to curl up under my duvet, listen to some music and mull over the day/life/worldly events, really helps my wellbeing. However, it can, at times, be damaging to my wellbeing, and I have to remind myself that I do need to face the world, and I do need to go and ‘do life.’ Despite having a very productive week, I did spend quite a lot of time over the last seven days sleeping off flu, and avoiding my mind. I then bought new duvet covers, which made it a lot harder for me to leave my bed (it’s the simple things), but as an act of self-care I managed to motivate myself enough to get out of bed (the lovely winter weather made it a lot harder!)
Weirdly, reading this back makes me cringe a little at the fact that I’m writing about how difficult it is to get out of bed. I’m in a really good mood/headspace today, so the act of struggling to get out of bed seems ridiculous, and naturally my mind is trying to mock itself, and convince me that it’s utterly stupid that I sometimes want to hibernate, but hey, getting out of bed is 100% an achievement worth celebrating. (The Ella that existed 48 hours ago can confirm that).
Also… staying in bed isn’t a bad thing, it can be a glorious act of self-care, grab a cat, grab a cuppa, grab a book, some music or whatever and curl up and enjoy not having to do anything, not having to move, not having to work and not having to face people. (Make sure you pick a cat that doesn’t bite though, mine’s an absolute bugger).