Feeling overwhelmed

Sometimes I can’t find the words to describe how I’m feeling, and that can feel incredibly lonely. It feels difficult trying to keep up with my emotions – one minute I feel able to reach out, and the next I’m terrified and wearied by the thought of asking others for support.

Last week it felt as though I had mental health support coming out of my ears, and this week I feel as though it’s just me, again. That’s not fun – and I’m almost (definitely) embarrassed by how easily I’ve managed to brush things off, and attempt to push things to the back burner. I guess from the perspective of others I’m managing quite well, but to me I’m completely exhausted by my mind, my thoughts, my actions, my everything. But how can I ask for help, when I’ve already asked for help?

I do feel as though I’m being dramatic, and no matter how many times I’m reassured that I’m not I think I will always struggle with the shame that I feel thanks to my mental health. I don’t want to fall apart, but I also don’t want to pull myself together. I have no idea how to face things – I feel as though I’m putting so much pressure on myself to react ‘correctly’ to occasions in my life. However, I’ve continuously met with the phrase “fake it ’til ya make” – so surely putting on a smile and getting on with things must be the correct thing to do?

My mind is a constant storm of opposing thoughts – from memories, feelings, beliefs and expectations – but I have no idea how to make sense of it all. And, when I do form some sort of sense out of the blur that feeling of control is only within my grasp for a few seconds, and then it’s back to square one.

The problem is,Β there isn’t yet a way that others can pop into your brain, figure out what’s going on and eradicate all the painful thoughts, memories and beliefs. I feel incredibly overwhelmed, stressed and a little hopeless. Hopefully a good night’s sleep will do me good.

Everything feels very overwhelming.

 

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11 comments

  1. I hope sleep brings you some salvation. I know how frustrating it can be. Two weeks ago I felt like I had it all together and I was doing okay. Then all of the sudden the past two weeks have been out of control. I’ve been all out of sorts. Sometimes it’s all I can do just to get through the day, but these days will pass for me, and they will pass for you too. I know it may sound empty, but try to stay strong, and remember, even in your weakest moments, your strength will always shine through.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The whole fake it til you make it idea can be confusing. I think there needs to be a balance between brushing things off with a smile, and taking time to unravel your thoughts and process the feeling of overwhelm. It’s hard not to feel like you’re just being dramatic by asking for help, because that’s almost a symptom in itself of any mental illness; the sense of “it’s not that bad” keeps you in the unhealthy cycle doesn’t it.
    Hope you’re weekend is refreshing xx

    Like

    • That’s pretty much exactly my thoughts in terms of fake it til you make it – I think I can fall into a pattern of pretending things are okay while actually not processing and ignoring how I’m feeling, which in the long run isn’t great ha!

      I hope you have a lovely weekend too! πŸ™‚ xx

      Liked by 1 person

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