Sometimes I can’t find the words to describe how I’m feeling, and that can feel incredibly lonely. It feels difficult trying to keep up with my emotions – one minute I feel able to reach out, and the next I’m terrified and wearied by the thought of asking others for support.
Last week it felt as though I had mental health support coming out of my ears, and this week I feel as though it’s just me, again. That’s not fun – and I’m almost (definitely) embarrassed by how easily I’ve managed to brush things off, and attempt to push things to the back burner. I guess from the perspective of others I’m managing quite well, but to me I’m completely exhausted by my mind, my thoughts, my actions, my everything. But how can I ask for help, when I’ve already asked for help?
I do feel as though I’m being dramatic, and no matter how many times I’m reassured that I’m not I think I will always struggle with the shame that I feel thanks to my mental health. I don’t want to fall apart, but I also don’t want to pull myself together. I have no idea how to face things – I feel as though I’m putting so much pressure on myself to react ‘correctly’ to occasions in my life. However, I’ve continuously met with the phrase “fake it ’til ya make” – so surely putting on a smile and getting on with things must be the correct thing to do?
My mind is a constant storm of opposing thoughts – from memories, feelings, beliefs and expectations – but I have no idea how to make sense of it all. And, when I do form some sort of sense out of the blur that feeling of control is only within my grasp for a few seconds, and then it’s back to square one.
The problem is, there isn’t yet a way that others can pop into your brain, figure out what’s going on and eradicate all the painful thoughts, memories and beliefs. I feel incredibly overwhelmed, stressed and a little hopeless. Hopefully a good night’s sleep will do me good.
Dearest Someone 
I wouldn’t dare allow others to pop into my brain. I’m sure it’s a dangerous ride in there. I do hope your rest will help with the stress.
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Thank-you 🙂 hopefully a few days off will help me get back on track!
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I hope sleep brings you some salvation. I know how frustrating it can be. Two weeks ago I felt like I had it all together and I was doing okay. Then all of the sudden the past two weeks have been out of control. I’ve been all out of sorts. Sometimes it’s all I can do just to get through the day, but these days will pass for me, and they will pass for you too. I know it may sound empty, but try to stay strong, and remember, even in your weakest moments, your strength will always shine through.
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Thank-you for this lovely, encouraging comment. I know that I’ve been strong before but sometimes it’s difficult to remember how strong I am! Wishing you all the best xx
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Hope you sleep well x
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remember you are amazing, such a gifted writer x
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Thank-you lovely xx
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The whole fake it til you make it idea can be confusing. I think there needs to be a balance between brushing things off with a smile, and taking time to unravel your thoughts and process the feeling of overwhelm. It’s hard not to feel like you’re just being dramatic by asking for help, because that’s almost a symptom in itself of any mental illness; the sense of “it’s not that bad” keeps you in the unhealthy cycle doesn’t it.
Hope you’re weekend is refreshing xx
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That’s pretty much exactly my thoughts in terms of fake it til you make it – I think I can fall into a pattern of pretending things are okay while actually not processing and ignoring how I’m feeling, which in the long run isn’t great ha!
I hope you have a lovely weekend too! 🙂 xx
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*your
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Reblogged this on Ancien Hippie.
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