Alright, so we all have fears (apparently I have loads) but I came to the weird conclusion this morning that I actually can’t list them… which makes me wonder if half of the things that I get scared about are actually things that I could be perfectly comfortable with.
There’s a difference between nerves and fear, which is obvious haha – but ask yourself whether you actually acknowledge this when you’re faced with a task that brings out that familiar queasy feeling (is it nerves or is it fear?!) I don’t actually know haha, but I thought I’d try and identify things that truly truly terrify me – because often when people ask what I’m afraid my response is: ‘”I’m not really afraid of anything.”
Maybe I’m thinking too far into this, but I know that I’m afraid of things! I get anxious at quite odd things and I get nervous like any normal human – but it’s like when you go somewhere for the first time, or when you’re doing high ropes or something fancy like that – your knees may shake, you may feel a bit sick but you know deep down that you can do it, and when you do for a momentary second you feel as if the whole world is ya oyster and nobody can bring you down. You are ace.
So… My deepest fears… (So very dramatic). The things that make me feel sick even thinking about it, and leave me praying that they will never happen…
– The thought of losing anyone in my family, or anyone becoming ill. Though I may not tell ’em but my family mean everything to me, and the thought of anything happening to my loved ones truly truly terrifies me to the point of where life beyond anything like this just seems impossible. I bloody love ’em and I’d do anything to protect them.
It’s really hard trying to identify your fears! I’m struggling! I’m sat here trying to decipher things that make me nervous and things that terrify me… Hahaha it really is hard!
– The thought of going into a real dark place in my mind. I’ve experienced tough times (we all have) and now that I’ve overcome certain things I’ve noticed that I really am scared of returning to some pretty dark moments – yeah I still struggle and have been lately, but I’ve learnt to lean on others. So the thought of trying to face the deepest darkest depths of my mind alone truly terrifies me – like it or not tough things can happen in life, but it’s how we try and tackle them that can really save us.
– Floods/storms: guess this one is fairly acceptable, and I really had to think about it. Natural disasters freak me out, any form of danger does – but I reckon that’s human. However floods just freak me out, leave me feeling pretty sick. Even if it’s one that’s happened bloody miles away, when my hometown flooded last summer I found myself freaking out even though it didn’t affect us – when I stayed in Cornwall about two years ago there was a really bad storm. I can honestly say it was the worst night of my life… I was up all night shaking and terrified, whenever there was a huge gust of wind I honestly thought that would be it – I thought my mother and I were in serious danger that night, and there was one point when I genuinely feared that we wouldn’t make it to morning.
– I think, and this one is dead cheesy, that I’m also a little bit fearful of facing my emotions, or feeling something too much… which is odd I know, and doesn’t seem as terrifying or debilitating as my other fears. But it’s something I’m very good at avoiding, I face my emotions obviously, but not as much as I’d like too… and by this I mean I wanna be able to deal with the aftermath of certain events, and I want them to stop controlling my life.
You’ve gotta start somewhere right?
I’m aware of how cheesy this blog post is but I’d encourage you to try and decipher your deepest fears from your deepest anxiety-inducing thangs. They might seem very similar states of emotion, yet I’ve recognised that for me there certainly is a difference.