Uninhabited Eyes

It’s hard to feel like a waste

When you don’t see anyone else,

When all you find in the mirror is just you,

Just you, just your face,

Your nothingness, your loss,

Your body, your disgrace.

There’s nothing to hold onto

Each moment I feel ashamed,

For you have battled hard,

But I have fought in vain,

All I gave is endless pain.

With your weapons,

Your armour,

Your power,

Your safety

I still feel so lost, it’s awful,

you should hate me.

I never tell you it’s enough,

I never tell you of my love,

I got through all those moments,

But it’s those moments I’ve lived in the most.

No soul, no spirit, no speech no surrender,

Now breathing isn’t possible, when shame is all I remember.

No desire to survive,

No rush for freedom,

No desperate plea, fear, or worry

No desire to be alive, no desire to get by.

No desire to hold steady,

No desire to cry.

No desire for safety, no desire to lie,

If letting go is so easy, then why haven’t I?

Whether it’s my past or my future,

Something must die.

 

———-

Ella Robson