The past and the present frighten me

I have an overwhelming sense of being overwhelmed.

Source: Pinterest
Source: Pinterest

Today has been odd, in fact very very intense. I’ve not really been able to think straight, I’ve had a lot of things that I’ve needed to do so I’ve been sort of in a way forcing my mind to focus. Ten points to my friends who bought me lots of tea and made me laugh far too much.

Yesterday wasn’t very good, I was in a situation where I was trying so hard to take control of things, I was reminded of how overwhelming and hard things can get. I was left pretty shaken by an unfortunate event that happened yesterday whilst I was on the bus, in the moment I didn’t really have time to get overwhelmed, yes I was a little frightened but I was also very angry and honestly left feeling a little sick. It’s a horrible feeling when you’ve let down your guard, spoke about things that have really fractured your view of the world and then been thrown straight into a situation that horribly reminds you of previous events.

I think, last night, everything ‘hit’ me at once, I definitely struggled to think straight, I didn’t get much sleep and I felt like I was definitely spending a lot of time trying to make sense of things. Yesterday was a horrible reminder of how annoyingly annoying things can be in this big old world. When you’ve experienced ‘tough times’ in the past (which we all have) we often feel a little fragile when we are reminded of the past – thrown into similar situations and left questioning why the world loves to leave us feeling broken and bruised.

Leaving the house this morning was a big thing, I’d forgotten to take my medication last night – and again this morning – I’ve really not been dealing with things, and I really don’t know how I’m going to deal with things.

Yesterday triggered a lot of bad memories, but at the same time it was also frightening and painful in it’s own way. And now I 100% want to avoid the world, all day everyday.

Source: Pinterest
Source: Pinterest
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5 comments

  1. Well done on going out. I know how the anxiety sometimes just makes it seem like the only safe option is to stay in, but you did the right thing. Maybe set alarms on your phone as reminders to take meds? That helps me xx

    Liked by 1 person

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