I have an overwhelming sense of being overwhelmed.
Today has been odd, in fact very very intense. I’ve not really been able to think straight, I’ve had a lot of things that I’ve needed to do so I’ve been sort of in a way forcing my mind to focus. Ten points to my friends who bought me lots of tea and made me laugh far too much.
Yesterday wasn’t very good, I was in a situation where I was trying so hard to take control of things, I was reminded of how overwhelming and hard things can get. I was left pretty shaken by an unfortunate event that happened yesterday whilst I was on the bus, in the moment I didn’t really have time to get overwhelmed, yes I was a little frightened but I was also very angry and honestly left feeling a little sick. It’s a horrible feeling when you’ve let down your guard, spoke about things that have really fractured your view of the world and then been thrown straight into a situation that horribly reminds you of previous events.
I think, last night, everything ‘hit’ me at once, I definitely struggled to think straight, I didn’t get much sleep and I felt like I was definitely spending a lot of time trying to make sense of things. Yesterday was a horrible reminder of how annoyingly annoying things can be in this big old world. When you’ve experienced ‘tough times’ in the past (which we all have) we often feel a little fragile when we are reminded of the past – thrown into similar situations and left questioning why the world loves to leave us feeling broken and bruised.
Leaving the house this morning was a big thing, I’d forgotten to take my medication last night – and again this morning – I’ve really not been dealing with things, and I really don’t know how I’m going to deal with things.
Yesterday triggered a lot of bad memories, but at the same time it was also frightening and painful in it’s own way. And now I 100% want to avoid the world, all day everyday.