I find that most people are often commenting on the mistakes they’ve made, and I’m naturally programmed to reassure them, help them evaluate what happened and try my best to help them turn their mistakes into a positive situation – I think that’s human nature, when we see a companion struggling we try to help. But what is obvious is that we don’t listen to our own advice.
We all make mistakes – and we all dish out advice, but surely the world would be 100% simpler if we listened to our own advice? Yes – and no.
I think when you make mistakes – or when you’re experiencing difficulty – it’s important to speak to others, to seek advice. At times you may think your advice is the be all and end all, but sometimes it’s an outsiders perspective that can really offer you meaningful insight, and bring light to the situation. (However brutal and honest they may be.)
One thing I’ve learnt, and am still learning is that I make mistakes, and unfortunately so do others. I’ve been in situations in the past which have shaped me as a person – these situations are mistakes that people close to me have made, and – in my eyes, something which I am to blame as I didn’t prevent them. It wasn’t until an outsider told me that maybe I shouldn’t blame myself but just accept that somewhere along the line a mistake was made. Now, I realise this sounds like I’m saying that people make mistakes – let them off – that’s not where I’m going, I’ve encountered traumatic experiences in my life – and one question that I’ve asked, and one question that others have asked me is – who’s to blame?
One of these traumatic experiences was a natural disaster – something which could not be controlled – something which was entirely natural, so it would be utterly ridiculous to blame someone for what happened? Yet, for me I find it difficult to believe in my previous statement – and this makes me feel sick just thinking about it – I blame someone, but I don’t blame someone and then I feel ashamed, and utterly horrid for blaming someone else – when natural disasters occur you cannot prevent them – but you can prevent being in them.
I blame myself for the event, and I find it difficult to trust others because before the disaster happened I expressed fear, yet this fear wasn’t acknowledged and unfortunately the event was devastating. If I’d been more vocal then maybe myself and others wouldn’t have been in such danger – and if I’d been listened to then maybe myself and others wouldn’t had encountered a life-threatening situation. Unfortunately nobody could have foreseen what happened – it was a natural disaster, something which really shouldn’t be anticipated, and unfortunately we made the mistake to not listen to our gut instinct. – Then again, is it a mistake if it was such an incredibly rare event? This is why I get so confused thinking about this – day to day mistakes are easy to look at and to grow from, but when you’re thrown into a life-threatening situation at such a young age & you tried to prevent putting yourself in that situation then who – if anyone – is to blame?
Surely it was just a terrible terrible mistake?
Reblogged this on Ella Robson and commented:
Recent post on #DearestSomeone
I think all you’re going to do is give yourself a headache. It is 100% natural to want to blame someone when something terrible happens, and to have that taken away is almost like stripping you of a right you should have. However, it is what it is. Your circular thoughts are leading you to no conclusions and no solutions because there aren’t any to be found. I can completely understand this, as everyone, definitely myself included, gets swept away by questions with no certain answers. It is a hard thing to deal with, no doubt. I would say you will eventually reach a place of acceptance within yourself and stop the useless questioning, but that’s not how PTSD works. I don’t really have anything to add but felt this would help somehow. At times all you need is someone who understands.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I really do appreciate this comment and your understanding! I feel like me writing this post was a way of me identifying and admitting to myself what you have just written in this comment!
It’s a step in the right direction – acknowledging how my mind works that is!
Absolutely, identifying and accepting your own thought processes is super important and a really important step I think. At least, it’s the first step to being able to make any changes =) Happy for you!
LikeLiked by 1 person