I’m human, I have bad habits and I have an undying desire to get rid of them. But, at the same time these bad habits are my comfort – so at what point do these bad habits become an addiction, an unhealthy coping strategy or something that brings more pain than comfort?
Now, before I go into greater detail I want to clarify that this isn’t some enigmatic, read-between-the-lines type of blog post. What I’m writing is completely honest, and I’m not in any way advocating harmful activities such as substance abuse and self-harming behaviour.
Food. Food is my ‘bad habit’, it’s one of many. There’s more too it than I will say at the moment, I will at some point share the complete story, but right now I’m not ready. But, I am ready for change… no matter how terrifying that is.
I was sitting on the bus earlier, at around 7pm. It’s been a very long and tough day, I had a therapy session this morning, then a packed day of writing, researching and planning work stuff. I was also interviewed for Scratch Radio about Dearest Someone, student mental health, wellbeing and more. Of course I have lots of love for Scratch, they’re my University’s Student Radio Station, (with DAB ahh)… I’m showing off my inner radio geek now haha. (For those that don’t know I have a radio/media background). ANYWAY… I was sitting on the bus on my way home, and it suddenly hit me, how bad some of my bad habits are.
I recently shared a post about the process of change, today in my session we explored, and planned how I go about starting to make change. I want to stop having such an unhealthy relationship with food (unhealthy is a soft description for the horrible, anger-inducing, tear-evoking, painful, ridiculous relationship I have with food.)
I have bad habits that I want to somehow break. I know this won’t happen instantly, and I’m aware of how hard it’s going to be. I’m also terrified of how hard it will be. I’m also terrified of starting. How else do I cope with bad days? How else do I escape the realities of this pretty brutal planet? Of course I have a handful of coping strategies which I know work in my favour, such as crafting (knitting, colouring…), writing, blogging, watching Harry Potter, singing, making playlists, listening to music and more…
When I list all my coping strategies it makes change seem so easy… I’ve got this, I can handle this – look at all the wonderful, positive tools I have at my disposal.
If only it was that simple.
Our brains are wired weirdly. EVERYONE’S brains are wired weirdly. We are complex creatures, creatures of habit, and creatures who are intelligent enough to notice when something is going to be challenging. Fight or flight… my not so welcome friend.
Whenever I’m faced with a new, potentially dangerous challenge my brain instantly goes into ‘protection mode’. (I’ve made that up, it’s not a professional phrase, it’s my own interpretation). I guess this ‘protection mode’ is something I’ve taught myself as a result of past trauma and difficult situations which I’ve been faced with.
So how on earth do I rewire my brain? Is it even possible? Heaven knows, but I’m about to try and find out!
Wish me luck, I need it.
This is so true: