There’s so much that could be written about change. Change is exciting, weird, terrifying, painful, annoying, intimidating, heartbreaking, effort, right, wrong, the only option, the last option, the way forward, the thing you shouldn’t have done, the thing you should do and so much more.

There are lessons to be learnt. There are mistakes to be made and there are miracles waiting to happen. (Apparently).

I want to say that change has been a theme in my life recently, but to be fair it has been a theme in my life since day one. We are always going through change, we are facing tough times more often than not, and we are learning everyday (even if we’ve spent the day in bed!) Why then is change so bloody scary?

Sometimes change can happen instantly, sometimes it’s a last resort and sometimes it takes a long time for even the slightest of change to occur. I think, as humans, we always crave something more (how philosophical of me). It’s natural to want things to be different, we’re crafted to be inquisitive, adventurous and energetic creatures. We always want to move forward, and yes sometimes we don’t want things to change at all. We don’t necessarily want to step out of our comfort zones, we may just be content with things the way they are.

If there’s one thing that trauma has taught me it’s that sometimes things are out of your control. Sometimes you simply have to do your best to hold on, and sometimes you have to let things play out. If we could control everything then the world would be a wonderful and terrifying place.

I’ve wanted things to ‘change’ for a while now, and though I may not have realised each day I have been changing myself, challenging myself, criticising myself and pushing myself. There’s a few main things that I really really want to change about myself. There’s relationships that I want to change, yet I’m terrified to even thing about where to begin. Then there’s the 24/7, soul-destroying self-hate, low self-esteem, negative perspective of myself and damaging feelings towards my body image. 

I want to change this. I don’t know where to start, I’ve tried many times before and fallen terribly. I had an appointment this past week with my psychologist – we’re at the very beginning stages of my appointments and this week we looked at change. We didn’t plan how to make change, we didn’t say let’s start now, we looked at the process of change. And though I know the whole thing is going to be bloody painful, it’s something that I know that I need to do. I’m determined, I know I’m gunna fall down a few times, but I also know that I’m strong enough to pick myself back up, and if I’m struggling to do that I know I have an incredible support system who will push me and help me. 

At my appointment I was introduced to ‘The Stages of Change Model’ by Prochaska and Di Clemente (1982) which, I’m guessing is a fairly accurate model applied to change. This is the model I was given:

Basically ‘change’ occurs as a cycle. With different stages:

• Contemplation (user has awareness of pros and cons)
• Decision Making (change use or continue as before)
• Action (Putting decisions to change into practice)
• Maintenance (Process of both reviewing and sustaining change)
• Relapse (return to previous pattern of use)

If you want to find out more about ‘The Stages of Change Model’ then click here. (As we all know I’m definitely 100% not a professional!)

xx