Every now and then I’m faced with situations where I have to sit down and tell myself that I can make it through – these aren’t situations such as panic attacks, they’re just normal, everyday situations. I find myself thinking “you can do this, you’ve just got to get through this day,” or “later on you’ll be back home and it’ll all be over” – situations like this have included, in the past, things such as exams, long journeys, job interviews, meetings, stressful workloads and, of course some pretty intense stuff (trauma). So I think, when I’ve had standard everyday stuff that’s left me feeling the same way, then I am, inevitably exhausted once I managed to get through whatever it was that was causing such stress.
This past week has been one of them “you’ve gotta get through this” kinda weeks; it’s just been a pretty tense week. I had a lot on at work, stuff which I was excited about doing, but my mental health decided it wanted to leave me feeling like there was no way on earth I’d ever actually function again – so I had to dig deep and plough through the week. (I had a lot of help from my dear friend coffee.) My mental health really made things a lot trickier this week, after a rocky start to the week (after a pretty dreadful Sunday) I think I’d automatically written Monday and Tuesday off in my mind, I then found myself crying and getting anxious over very peculiar things, such as losing certain items, being asked to do certain tasks, and talking to certain people. I definitely wanted to just give up, but I also really wanted to carry on working – thankfully I chose the latter.
Sometimes, when things are tough it does just come down to a choice, you have to remember that although things feel awful, it’s not always been like this, and it may well just be a rough patch you’re going through. I was reminded this week of the times where I’ve just known that I’ll make it home, to my bed, to a familiar, safe place; no matter how stressed I’ve been I’ve just known that it would only be a temporary situation. The difference when I’m not feeling to well thanks to my mental health is that things don’t feel temporary. The tough times, the feeling of emptiness, and worthlessness, and inability to do life doesn’t feel temporary, and it doesn’t feel like I’ll be able to make it through – even though I have, plenty of times. I need to find a way to remind myself of what I am capable of getting through, but sometimes I have to be cautious that thinking of things I’ve gone through can be incredibly triggering, so I have no idea how to find a balance. To be fair, when things are tough I seem to have no idea how to cope, but I know that (most of the time) I’ll somehow get through, and I hope that if I continue blogging, speaking out and so forth that I’ll will be continuously reminding myself of the times, and the battles that I have been through.
Sometimes there are days where you just have to try a heck of a lot harder to make it through.
Check out this pretty cool Buzzfeed article: http://www.buzzfeed.com/annaborges/you-did-it?utm_term=.lrx8b9oLAW&sub=4076157_7338184