I don’t think my legs have ever moved this much. I’ve sat here fidgeting, shaking, bouncing and just moving my legs all afternoon, and my mouth has been non-stop talk talk talk. Apparently I have a lot of unnecessary energy today, energy that has certainly appeared out of nowhere, considering yesterday I couldn’t even make it out of bed.
In fact, I’ve been in too good a mood (if that’s possible) that I seem to be bouncing around, overly excited, eager and happy. And to be honest I think it’s pretty weird to be frank. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t wish away the excitement, but I also know that there’s gunna be a big low at the end of this. I’m just a ball of energy, and my thoughts have been so scattered, but I’ve been able to get tasks finished, and actually make sense of things, which is good I guess, but also weird. Weird because I’ve felt so lethargic and down lately that I am a little flabbergasted at this oddly good mood. Though, I wouldn’t say it’s a ‘good’ mood, as for some reason part of me is a little concerned at this – and also annoyed because I know this means that if anybody asks me if I’m okay that I’ll just start rattling on about how wonderfully brilliant life is, when in reality things do suck quite a bit.
Things suck, but things are good. I’ve had some major lows recently, and some pretty wonderful moments – that I think I’m actually confused about how I feel. But, I know that if I’d written this blog post 24 hours ago it would have been about how dark the world is, how rubbish a person I am, how incapable of everything I am, and how rubbish life is. But now, for some reason I’m sat here typing at the speed of light, with my legs bouncing around, and my mind racing – oh the wonders of my brain.
‘Wired’ – wired is the word that I think sums up my mood and excess energy – I feel very ‘on it’, as if I could tackle anything. But I’m also feeling incredibly anxious, and very nervous of the fall that’ll come from this ‘high’ (I’m cautious to use the word high, as that indicates foul play, but there’s definitely none of that) but that’s how I feel – high. A little controversial I know, but I just have so much energy, that it’s weirding me out – give it three or four hours and I’ll probably be so far into rockbottom, that happiness will feel as nothing but an illusion.
This is my brain right now:
Wish me luck, ha.