Over the past few days I think I’ve started about four different blog posts and have grumpily deleted each one. Despite being less stressed now that I’ve found somewhere to live in the city I’ve ironically become more stressed because now I have less to focus on; which means that the darkness of my mind creeps up on me when I have any fleeting spare moments.
Honestly though at the moment I wouldn’t wish it any other way, I’ve somehow found a way to manage my mental illness, in ways that allow me to successfully do normal, standard day-to-day stuff like going into uni. (If you’re anything like me then you’ll know that as sucky as it is sometimes it is impossible to function but it’s tricky to articulate why – our minds are fancy right?!)
Admittedly food has become something of a problem lately (more so than usual) but I don’t feel confident enough to blog about my issues with eating. I do want to one day though, as I know how incredibly hard it is to open up about stuff such as eating – I’m really struggling, but I’m finally finding ways to let the relevant people know! However, the physical side of everything has unfortunately crept up on me lately and I’ve not been feeling very well.
I’ve actually been working from home for the past few weeks (I’m currently finishing my MA dissertation so fortunately I’m able to stay at home and do it!) However, it does mean that when I have gone into uni this week everything seems a lot brighter, a lot louder, and a lot more intense! To add to the stress I’ve had three days this week where I’ve had to see doctors/psychologists – and these types of meetings demand a lot of dedication and energy – they can be very emotional even if you are talking about positive things!
In one of the meetings (with a medic/prescriber – not sure what the fancy official name is) the lady was incredibly inspiring, giving me some much needed advice on moving houses and moving forward professionally – it was completely unexpected and it was certainly one of them moments that I will remember for the rest of my life. She was saying incredibly lovely things, and she’d had a look through my notes/work history and stuff and one of the things that she said is ‘you’re a very special individual, you’ve achieved some amazing things and you are very very loved by a lot of people.’ I have achieved some pretty awesome stuff, but I’m the sort of person who just gets on with things, which means that at times actually I don’t give myself enough credit – and she really really struck a chord and gave me the strength to make some difficult decisions.
(Also the very very loved bit really reminded me of Harry Potter…)
In my previous blog I freaked out slightly because even though I know I have an incredible support system I was feeling very alone. I needed reminding that sometimes it’s okay to let things get on top of you – sometimes when things seem like they are too much it’s actually a sign that maybe you need to change something. So, I took some time off yesterday (I didn’t even do work from my flat) and I slept for a very long time! I have an awful migraine… which doesn’t seem to want to leave, which is making it harder for me to sort things out as I’m moving tomorrow. But… my body, my mind and complete strangers were telling me that I needed to slow down, and once again I am left feeling incredibly thankful for the lovely people in my life (and the lovely awesome people who read and comment on this blog!)
I have no idea how to get rid of this migraine haha, but at least tomorrow I get to go home and hug my cat for three weeks until I move into my new house/houseshare! So… wish me luck! 😀
Here’s some Harry Potter (kinda related) images… I mean any excuse to talk about Harry Potter right?